Self Reflection for Busy People

The Pre-Work to Writing Goals for the New Year | #7

December is usually a hectic month with a full calendar of social holiday events; but due to the pandemic, these past two years have been quiet for me. I’ve been using the last week of December to refocus myself, unplug from anything work related, work on personal projects, or just binge watch tv shows. It has also been a perfect time to engage in some self reflection activities.

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” (Socrates)

Self reflection is another word for self-examination which means to look inward to understand your thoughts, feelings, behavior, and desires. It’s a tool to help you understand what is important to you, what energizes you, and what is your level of overall life satisfaction. It also helps you understand when you are off balance, feeling drained, or just overall unhappy with your life or career. In recent months, I’ve met quite a number of people who have taken time off from work as a part of the “Great Resignation” movement to engage in some type of self reflection process.

Why Engage in Self Reflection

“Reflection gives the brain an opportunity to pause amidst the chaos, untangle and sort through observations and experiences, consider multiple possible interpretations, and create meaning” (Jennifer Porter, HBR)

Engaging in self reflection on a regular basis helps you know if you are on the right path. It allows you to become aware of when you might need to readjust the way you are living your life. There was a time in my life that I was very unhappy and unsatisfied but because I had been unwilling to slow down and do some real introspection for years, I ended up hitting rock bottom when my marriage fell apart. It was a long difficult climb out of that large hole I had dug for myself due to not taking the time to step back and look at myself. Several months of counseling during that traumatic time helped me return to a place of regular self reflection.

I personally find it challenging to reflect regularly when I am busy with life as a mom with a full-time job. Time seems to fly by so whenever I do end up with quiet time to myself, I am trying to work through my never shrinking “to do” list. For the past 3 years in a row, I’ve been diligent about doing an annual review before setting any goals for the following year. It has made a huge impact and helped me set goals that I’ve actually been able to achieve. Prior to this, my new year’s resolutions never stuck past a few weeks. I’ve broken down the self reflection process here and attempted to make it as easy as possible for anyone with little time to spare.

My 4 Step Self Reflection Process

I’ve tried out many different methods out there but found a lot of it too “fluffy” or feel like too much work. I’ve created my own method inspired by coaching tools and other self reflection methods to simplify the process that has seemed to work better for me. I share a link to my workbook near the end of this newsletter if you want to try it out for yourself. I recommend taking the time to do this work “before” setting any personal or professional goals for the upcoming year.

To get started, find a quiet space to sit down to work on this for 1 hour. If you need more time, continue working on these exercises after taking a break to finish it up. I recommend listening to some inspirational or low key music while you work on this exercise. Here is a Spotify playlist I listen to often when I write.

Remember that this does not need to be perfect. You can always go back and edit. The main point is to get all of this out of your head so that you can be more intentional in setting goals, creating plans, and taking actions that lead to a more meaningful and satisfying life.

Step 1: Review Your Overall Life Satisfaction

Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful. (Margaret J. Wheatley)

The first step in this self reflection process is to break down your life into smaller categories. This is similar to what coaches ask clients to do using a “life wheel” to help them create goals during their coaching program. The concept of a life wheel was originally created by Paul J. Meyer, founder of Success Motivation Institute in the 1960’s to help people understand where they might be off balance so they knew what they should focus on when thinking about goals.

I learned about this tool during my coach certification training years ago and adapted it to be more about work/life alignment vs balance by eliminating the visual of the wheel. The great thing about this is that you can decide what your categories are and then rate your level of satisfaction for each category. Here is what mine looks like from the workbook:

After I completed this exercise for myself, I realized that the three areas that I rated the lowest are health, love/relationships, and fun. In the next steps of this process, you will see how I dive a bit deeper into understanding this.

I rated my level of satisfaction with “writing” quite high, which blends together both my personal and professional lives. I’ve reached my personal goal to publish this newsletter monthly since I started writing it this past June. I also unknowingly wrote my first “viral” LinkedIn post this past week that as of today had reached over 2.7 million views. Enrolling in an online writing program this past year has been life changing for me in many ways. I discovered a new passion and creative outlet that I could also use to help more people and have a larger impact in the world.

Step 2: Reflect on What Went Well This Year

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” (Maya Angelou)

The next step of this exercise is to reflect on all the great things that happened this year. This involves looking over those areas of your life where you experienced satisfaction or fulfillment. This can include major milestones, accomplishments, periods of flow and energy, and times of being happy. When you do this exercise, it can be helpful to look over your calendar or notes from the year to remember the highlights.

It’s clear to me that writing this newsletter and online has brought me a lot of satisfaction along with many other things related to my career. I also have made some major strives towards making my home more comfortable and less cluttered than it had been in years. It has been a slow process but I can now clearly see the results. I have more work to do here but I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Step 3: Reflect on What Did Not Go Well This Year

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” (Nelson Mandela)

This next step might not be fun to do but it is necessary since it’s helpful in ensuring that you are setting the right goals. I don’t promote focusing on our failures and problems but I do think we can learn from them.

When I completed this part of the self reflection process, I did have some “aha” moments. I didn’t realize how much alone time I was spending this year until I made the connection that I had also rated not having much “fun” this year. The pandemic and my chronic health issue is obviously a factor in the lack of having a “fun” year; however, I realized that I need to discover new ways to connect with others and have more “fun” in my life. When I start thinking about goals for the new year, I am definitely going to keep this in mind.

James Clear, Author of Atomic Habits, says “your actions reveal how badly you want something. If you keep saying something is a priority but you never act on it, then you don’t really want it. It’s time to have an honest conversation with yourself. Your actions reveal your true motivations.”

I found this to be true for myself in several instances. Deep diving into the “why” behind your priorities can be a helpful way to distinguish between what you are truly motivated to accomplish and just stuck on where to start" vs what you actually are not excited about but feel like you “should” do. I recommend taking “I should” out of your vocabulary and reframe it as “I would like to” or “I could.” It takes away the shame that we experience when we don’t accomplish things.

Step 4: Identify What You Will Focus on Now

"The only thing that can grow is the thing you give energy to." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

This is the final part in my 4 step self reflection process. It’s important to do each step of the process before you get to this part so that you are clear on what you want to focus on before you start writing any goals and action steps. I really do believe that what you focus on is what you get. It has been true every time I’ve put all of my energy into something and created ways to keep me accountable. This newsletter is one example. If I didn’t have 200+ subscribers and a monthly deadline, it would be challenging for me to keep this up. (The clock is ticking to midnight so this will be published before the new year in my timezone.🥳)

I think it is important to take a break between this self reflection exercise and the actual goal setting work that comes after. I’ll be going into detail in my next newsletter on my goal setting process to help you be more successful in meeting your goals. This exercise is a good starting place to get moving towards that direction.

The Satya Creates Self Reflection Workbook

As a holiday gift to all of my readers, I am sharing with all of you a free copy of this workbook. To get your copy, go to: Satya Creates Self Reflection Workbook.

Select File and then Make a copy  to have your own editable version of this workbook. You can type right into it, print this out, or write your responses in a notebook (since you might need more space to write your thoughts).

Make Self Reflection a Routine

Self reflection does not need to happen only once a year and it should not! I do spend a bit more time looking at my entire year during December but self reflection is something that I have been trying to do on a regular basis to keep myself in check. There are many ways to engage in this such as writing in a journal, doing morning pages, meditation, going on a retreat, spending time in nature, or even just going on a daily walk with no headphones or distractions.

Additional Self Reflection Resources

If you are looking for more self reflection activities or information, I highly recommend checking out any of these additional resources below:

YearCompass Workbook: I used this free workbook the last two years and found it helpful to help me dive deep into this type of work. You do need to set aside a lot of time to work on this but it’s definitely a good exercise to do! They update the workbook every year and you can print it out.

Morning Pages: I first learned about the concept of morning pages from the popular book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. During my online writing program, I was reintroduced to the concept of writing every single day without any editing and have found it quite helpful in helping me develop and maintain my writing practice. I’ve adapted the 3 full pages of daily writing to fit my life by doing 1 page of writing several times a week. Her book also has quite a number of self reflection exercises in each chapter.

Wheel of Life: I mentioned this coaching tool that is often used by life coaches when they first meet with a client. You can learn more about the tool and download a copy to use yourself from the website.

Thank you for reading the Satya Creates newsletter this past year! You have all contributed to keeping me accountable and writing every month! I wish you all a very happy new year and stay tuned for my next issue about setting goals for the new year!